i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
