Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
