im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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