I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
