what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
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There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
try to milk me bitch
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