I'm drive I can fine osifer
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
