so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
