i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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