You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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