I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
