Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
