it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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