her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
