Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
