she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
