Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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