He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
