More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
