and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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