just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
her vagine was all disorganized.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
