i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
