Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
