I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
