At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize