im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
