I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
