I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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