I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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