You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
