Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
