I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
