Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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