I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
