Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
