he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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