you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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