i may or may not be watching the land before time
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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