I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We got so high we made milksteak
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
