i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
sarcasm needs its own font
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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