Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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