i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
