this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
