M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
