Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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