I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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