got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
