am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
