Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
