My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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