dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
