your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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