if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
