2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i came on her dog
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
