If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
