So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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