Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
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We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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