He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
