Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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