If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
