Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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