just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
