the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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