I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
