just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
