last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
