Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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