By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You smell like a Billy Joel song
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
