I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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