I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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